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If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn\'t.
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Those are my principles. If you don\'t like them I have others.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Research is what I\'m doing when I don\'t know what I\'m doing.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
The truth is more important than the facts.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
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If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it\'s fantastic.
They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can\'t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
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... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
I wouldn\'t mind dying - it\'s the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
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Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
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If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I\'d invented a time
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
If you can count your money, you don\'t have a billion dollars.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
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If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
I have an existential map; it has \'you are here\' written all over it.
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There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
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If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man\'s nose begins.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
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People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
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I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
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God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
Those are my principles. If you don\'t like them I have others.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
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Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
I\'m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
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The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
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A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
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If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
I\'m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
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TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn\'t.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/26/(Thu) 10:28
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